Loving Yourself Unconditionally
How many of us can truly say we have deep love for ourselves with no strings attached. Many of us believe we need to do more or achieve more before we are worthy of that kind of love. We need to get the degree, get the promotion, get the partner, save this much money.
On top of that, we often take that self-criticism or impossible standards and apply it to others. And we see that pattern in the people around us too.
If the world feels short on empathy, maybe the place to start is with ourselves.
Building self-empathy takes consistent practice. One tool you can start with is picturing the childhood version of yourself before the protective layers were built up. Really pay attention to the true version of yourself that is shining through those eyes. Look deeply and see the parts of you that were always there. Remember who you are and who you were meant to be.
When I first tried this Positive Intelligence® visualization, I had to choose a baby photo because even my five or six year old self brought up old feelings of judgment. I remembered the bratty little sister, the constant arguments with my dad, and the sense that I was too much, and I couldn’t look at that photo and see my true essence. Now, when I look at that photo, I can see her curiosity, her independence, and maybe a little cheekiness.
A Practice in Empathy
Bring to mind whatever loving image works for you. If imagining your younger self feels complicated, use whatever image helps you access unconditional love. Your children. Your pets. A friend. I often use a silly photo of my boys when they were little. Their grins and their beautiful goofiness instantly light me up, bring a smile to my face, and empathy rises up naturally.
When you have that image in your mind and generate those warm, loving feelings, direct them toward yourself. Let it envelop you. You deserve it.
This practice also works with others who frustrate us. When someone reacts from fear, avoidance, or defensiveness, try to picture the child in them who had to learn those patterns to feel safe. Try to feel empathy for that vulnerable kid before reacting to what they have said.
Growing Into Unconditional Love
Unconditional love did not come automatically for me. It still doesn’t. It is something I am learning to grow into, slowly, with practice. But now when I think of that little girl, I remind myself of who I was then and who I still am now. I am silly, brave, adventurous, fierce, nurturing, protective, affectionate, and wise beyond my years.
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Reflection Question: What would your childhood self want you to remember today?
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