Breaking the Cycle with Compassion
I’ve made it to my fifth country, Taiwan, and a very obvious theme has emerged that I wasn’t expecting. Parenting has come up in conversation again and again.
In my women’s group, we were working through the PQ parenting module, and it took about five minutes for most of us to slide into the same place: the Judge, the shame, the fear that we’re messing our kids up. We had to keep coming back to a simple truth.
You’re Not Behind
If you already feel behind, you’re not.
And if it feels strange that the year has already jumped ahead with plans, bookings, and expectations, you’re not alone in that either. For some people, it feels like we skipped right over the end of the year and went straight into what’s next.
I’m hearing a mix of things right now. Financial worries. Obligations people don’t really want. Guilt about resolutions they haven’t even started. And at the same time, some real excitement about new possibilities.
Beginning the New Year Feeling Lighter
The days between the end of one year and the start of another can feel strange.
You often feel this pressure to figure out what you want, what you’ll change, who you’ll be next.
But you don’t actually need resolutions, and you don’t need to reinvent yourself on day one (who can live up to that kind of pressure?!).
Sometimes the most helpful thing is just noticing what you’re ready to leave behind.
Closing the Year Peacefully
By mid-December, we’ve usually started looking back on the year and taking inventory. For me, that reflection has often come with self-judgment.
When I worked in corporate roles, this was the time to write my year-end self-assessment. By the end of it, I usually acknowledged my accomplishments were significant and felt pride.
But I also found myself fixating on what I didn’t finish, where I could have done things differently, or where I thought I should be by now.
Choosing Peace Over Perfection
This time of year (which I genuinely adore) has always been a mix of pure joy and running myself into the ground. I loved the lights, the magic, the relaxed days at work, making cookies and Chex Mix with my kids, and watching our stack of holiday movies.
But I was also dealing with a whole lot of self-imposed pressure. December became a race to make everything perfect. Planning and buying gifts for both sides, doing all the work for a holiday card no one else in my house cared about, visiting multiple families in a day.
Working extra hours so I could take time off with my kids. Living through the first holidays after losing my parents and sticking around out of obligation when I wanted to be anywhere but home. Year-end reviews. It was exhausting, and it didn’t have to be.
The Mental Load of December
December has a way of piling on. So many friends and clients I know approach December feeling some combination of tired, anxious, or just overwhelmed.
They are often the one who notices what everyone needs, keeps the calendar straight, plans the gifts, handles the food, and tries to create something meaningful for everyone. Others might be happy to help when asked, but the thinking part, the remembering part, that lives with them.
Loving Yourself Unconditionally
How many of us can truly say we have deep love for ourselves with no strings attached. Many of us believe we need to do more or achieve more before we are worthy of that kind of love. We need to get the degree, get the promotion, get the partner, save this much money.
On top of that, we often take that self-criticism or impossible standards and apply it to others. And we see that pattern in the people around us too.
If the world feels short on empathy, maybe the place to start is with ourselves.
From Overwhelmed to Empowered
Insight is incredible, but it’s action that creates real change. Sometimes the first action is simple: celebration.
If you’ve been following this series, take a moment to breathe. Look at what you’ve already done.
You’ve named invisible burdens.
You’ve questioned guilt.
You’ve claimed your desires.
You’ve softened your inner critic.
You’ve spoken your truth.
That is not small. That is deep, brave work.
𝗕𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻 𝗔𝗰𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲
For a long time, I believed being a good friend or co-worker meant being accommodating.
Being dependable meant saying yes.
Being kind meant never pushing back.
I’ll admit, I’ve been steamrolled more than once.
I’m fully capable of standing up for myself, but for years, I didn’t do it well. Not early enough. Not clearly enough. Not until I was pushed to the edge.
Quieting the Inner Critic
I have a strong inner critic.
The judge in my mind is quick, especially when it comes to me.
I’m a perfectionist. A pleaser. A bit of a controller too. For a long time, I thought those traits were just part of being responsible.
But they also kept me tense, hyper-aware, and endlessly self-critical.
𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐔𝐩 𝐒𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞: 𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐑𝐨𝐨𝐦 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩
It’s possible to have a kind, helpful partner and still feel completely alone.
Many women carry an invisible emotional load. They manage the logistics, the moods, the unspoken needs. They smooth the edges, hold the pieces, and silently wonder why they feel so depleted.
From the outside, nothing looks wrong. Which makes it even harder to explain the loneliness.
But you don’t have to explain it to the outside world. This is your life. Your truth. Not theirs.
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐑𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐰
I used to be an expert at feeling guilt. Not just for the big things, but for everything.
Silly things I said as a kid. Mistakes I made decades ago. Sometimes even with people who aren’t here anymore.
Guilt was my constant companion. For a long time, I thought it made me responsible, caring, good.
But it also made me exhausted. It kept me stuck in cycles of over-apologizing, over-giving, and over-functioning. It whispered, “You should be doing more” or “You shouldn’t have said that.”
Self-Care Isn’t a Bubble Bath
Most of the women I work with don’t need another candle. What they really need is permission to rest without guilt.
They need space to hear themselves think.
They need support that doesn’t add to their already overloaded to-do list.
I often hear women say, “I don’t even have time for self-care.” And I get it.
But here’s the truth: self-care isn’t a time block on your calendar. It’s a mindset.
You’re Allowed to Want More
Many women feel ashamed of wanting more.
More rest.
More meaning.
More connection.
More support.
The Invisible Load: The Work No One Sees
Most of the women I work with are tired from doing so much that no one sees.
Managing moods. Anticipating needs. Soothing tension. Remembering what no one else does. Keeping things running while feeling like you’re falling apart inside.
This is the invisible load. It’s real, and it’s exhausting. And if I’m being honest, I’ve lived it too.
The Deep Exhale: A Summer of Letting Go
This summer, I decided to do something a little different.
Instead of pushing harder, striving more, or trying to keep up with the endless demands of life, I wanted to create space for myself and for the women I work with to simply pause.
To breathe.
To exhale.
To let go.
