Choosing Peace Over Perfection
This time of year (which I genuinely adore) has always been a mix of pure joy and running myself into the ground. I loved the lights, the magic, the relaxed days at work, making cookies and Chex Mix with my kids, and watching our stack of holiday movies.
But I was also dealing with a whole lot of self-imposed pressure. December became a race to make everything perfect. Planning and buying gifts for both sides, doing all the work for a holiday card no one else in my house cared about, visiting multiple families in a day.
Working extra hours so I could take time off with my kids. Living through the first holidays after losing my parents and sticking around out of obligation when I wanted to be anywhere but home. Year-end reviews. It was exhausting, and it didnโt have to be.
The Mental Load of December
December has a way of piling on. So many friends and clients I know approach December feeling some combination of tired, anxious, or just overwhelmed.
They are often the one who notices what everyone needs, keeps the calendar straight, plans the gifts, handles the food, and tries to create something meaningful for everyone. Others might be happy to help when asked, but the thinking part, the remembering part, that lives with them.
Loving Yourself Unconditionally
How many of us can truly say we have deep love for ourselves with no strings attached. Many of us believe we need to do more or achieve more before we are worthy of that kind of love. We need to get the degree, get the promotion, get the partner, save this much money.
On top of that, we often take that self-criticism or impossible standards and apply it to others. And we see that pattern in the people around us too.
If the world feels short on empathy, maybe the place to start is with ourselves.
From Overwhelmed to Empowered
Insight is incredible, but itโs action that creates real change. Sometimes the first action is simple: celebration.
If youโve been following this series, take a moment to breathe. Look at what youโve already done.
Youโve named invisible burdens.
Youโve questioned guilt.
Youโve claimed your desires.
Youโve softened your inner critic.
Youโve spoken your truth.
That is not small. That is deep, brave work.
๐๐ผ๐๐ป๐ฑ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ป ๐๐ฐ๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฒ
For a long time, I believed being a good friend or co-worker meant being accommodating.
Being dependable meant saying yes.
Being kind meant never pushing back.
Iโll admit, Iโve been steamrolled more than once.
Iโm fully capable of standing up for myself, but for years, I didnโt do it well. Not early enough. Not clearly enough. Not until I was pushed to the edge.
Quieting the Inner Critic
I have a strong inner critic.
The judge in my mind is quick, especially when it comes to me.
Iโm a perfectionist. A pleaser. A bit of a controller too. For a long time, I thought those traits were just part of being responsible.
But they also kept me tense, hyper-aware, and endlessly self-critical.
๐๐๐ค๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐ฉ ๐๐ฉ๐๐๐: ๐๐๐ค๐ ๐๐จ๐จ๐ฆ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐๐จ๐ฎ ๐ข๐ง ๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐๐๐ฅ๐๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐ก๐ข๐ฉ
Itโs possible to have a kind, helpful partner and still feel completely alone.
Many women carry an invisible emotional load. They manage the logistics, the moods, the unspoken needs. They smooth the edges, hold the pieces, and silently wonder why they feel so depleted.
From the outside, nothing looks wrong. Which makes it even harder to explain the loneliness.
But you donโt have to explain it to the outside world. This is your life. Your truth. Not theirs.
๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ข๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ข๐ฅ๐ญ ๐๐ก๐๐ญ ๐๐ฎ๐ข๐๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐๐ฎ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ก๐จ๐ฐ
I used to be an expert at feeling guilt. Not just for the big things, but for everything.
Silly things I said as a kid. Mistakes I made decades ago. Sometimes even with people who arenโt here anymore.
Guilt was my constant companion. For a long time, I thought it made me responsible, caring, good.
But it also made me exhausted. It kept me stuck in cycles of over-apologizing, over-giving, and over-functioning. It whispered, โYou should be doing moreโ or โYou shouldnโt have said that.โ
Self-Care Isnโt a Bubble Bath
Most of the women I work with donโt need another candle. What they really need is permission to rest without guilt.
They need space to hear themselves think.
They need support that doesnโt add to their already overloaded to-do list.
I often hear women say, โI donโt even have time for self-care.โ And I get it.
But hereโs the truth: self-care isnโt a time block on your calendar. Itโs a mindset.
Youโre Allowed to Want More
Many women feel ashamed of wanting more.
More rest.
More meaning.
More connection.
More support.
The Invisible Load: The Work No One Sees
Most of the women I work with are tired from doing so much that no one sees.
Managing moods. Anticipating needs. Soothing tension. Remembering what no one else does. Keeping things running while feeling like youโre falling apart inside.
This is the invisible load. Itโs real, and itโs exhausting. And if Iโm being honest, Iโve lived it too.
The Deep Exhale: A Summer of Letting Go
This summer, I decided to do something a little different.
Instead of pushing harder, striving more, or trying to keep up with the endless demands of life, I wanted to create space for myself and for the women I work with to simply pause.
To breathe.
To exhale.
To let go.
