Self-Trust in Practice
I’m writing this from my layover in Istanbul.
I thought I might cry when I walked out the door, but honestly, I’m just so excited, and I know the time will fly by. The train derailment so close to home has been shocking and puts everything into perspective. It’s also made me feel extra grateful and really loved by everyone who wanted to see my face one more time, and by all the care and concern for my safety.
Per usual, the anticipation was worse than the reality. I had a few nights with very little sleep, but now I feel calm and capable. Most of all, I feel grateful.
Choosing Indepedence and Self-Trust
Starting next week, I’ll be traveling through Asia for what I’m calling my Coaching Connections field study because, this year, I’m choosing more independence and a little more self-trust.
I first had this idea back in July, and it’s been staying with me. The timing feels right. The in-person trainings I’ll lead this year haven’t started yet, and life has a bit more space than it usually does. On a deeper level, I feel genuinely drawn to the places I’m visiting.
I want more independence this year, not just emotionally, but in how I build my life and work. One of my words of the year is visibility, and I’m excited to meet new people, have real conversations, and see how the themes I hear from clients translate across cultures. And I hope I might get to help a few people along the way.
The Wise Inner Voice
There are moments when my mind starts spinning over the smallest things. A detail that isn’t right. A message that didn’t sound how I meant it. A conversation I replay again and again, wishing I’d said something differently.
It’s easy to lose perspective in those moments, especially if, like me, you lean toward perfectionism. The desire to get things right can quickly turn into an urgency that doesn’t match the reality of what’s happening.
Responding Instead of Absorbing
There are moments when someone you care about is upset: a partner, a friend, a family member, and before you realize it, their emotion has become yours.
It starts small. A heaviness or tightness in your chest, a sense of resistance or overwhelm creeping in. If it’s intense, maybe even a tension in your gut or a flicker of anxiety.
You want to help. You want to listen with empathy. But somewhere along the way, you begin to carry their feelings as if they were your own.
Where Acceptance Meets Action
There are moments when life hands us something we didn’t ask for. A shocking turn of events, a disappointment, a door we thought would stay open.
Our first instinct is to resist it, make it make sense, or look for someone or something to blame.
I’ve done that plenty of times. It’s part of being human. The mind wants stability, a plan, a reason. But not everything can be fixed or forced to go our way.
Stuck in the Chaos
There are moments in life when you know something has to change, but you can’t quite see how.
You feel helpless, restless, or quietly resentful. You tell yourself to be grateful, yet deep down, something feels off.
Resilient Mind: Creating Calm in the Chaos
I’ve been talking to a lot of people lately. Between my business, newcomers finding their way in Seville, and random coincidences that seem to bring people into my path, I’ve had countless conversations.
What’s clear is that the toll of living in today’s world is real. There are prejudices to confront, life changes to endure, and emotions running high everywhere.
Every Current Carries Us Somewhere New
Over the past few months, I’ve written about the in-between, the transitions throughout our lives that challenge us and shape us.
From leaving home and first-time parenting to empty nesting, changing careers, or becoming a caretaker, these shake-ups can make us feel like our world has turned upside down.
We experience identity loss or confusion, frustration, shame, and fear. Yet our lives are made of change and growth. This is how we fully experience being human, how we come to know ourselves more deeply.
What Our Relationships Teach Us About Ourselves
Every partnership is made up of two people doing the best they know how, shaped by the stories and survival strategies of their childhoods and lived experiences.
For some, safety meant avoiding conflict, staying quiet, not rocking the boat.
For others, safety meant speaking up, taking control, or fighting back.
Neither is wrong. They’re strengths that once kept us safe.
But over time, those same strategies of perfectionism, avoidance, control, people-pleasing can quietly sabotage our relationships.
When is Enough Enough?
There were jobs I stayed in longer than I wanted to.
Not because I loved them, but because they gave our family stability. I knew how lucky I was to have work that paid the bills. But even when I felt grateful, I also felt a longing to do something meaningful, worthy of my time away from home.
Not Everyone Is Meant to Go With You
Friendships shift. Sometimes they fade quietly. Other times they end abruptly, and the loneliness that follows can feel more intense than we expected.
Like most adults, I’ve experienced this many times in life.
When we moved, I felt the loss of closeness and familiarity. I missed the ease and history with the people who had been by my side for years. At the same time, I was grateful to find new friendships, with people from all over the world, of different ages and backgrounds. Rich and meaningful connections.
And still, sometimes I miss what I had before.
When the House Goes Quiet
No matter when it happens, that moment when the house goes quiet hits hard.
For some, it is happening now. For others, it happened years ago, and the feelings still live in their bones.
A few years ago, both of our sons left for university. Nine hours away. At the same time.
I knew it was coming. I had time to prepare. But about two weeks before they left, something broke open in me.
I couldn’t stop crying. Everything felt dark and heavy. I couldn’t be on camera at work because my face showed it all.
The anticipation, for me, was worse than the reality.
When You Uproot Everything
Not all of us will walk the same path, but the feelings that come with change (fear, grief, identity shifts) are universal.
Moving abroad was one of the most courageous and terrifying things I’ve ever done.
It was a rollercoaster of emotions. Excitement, dread, pride, guilt, and so much fear, all tangled together.
The Space Between Who You Were and Who You're Becoming
You thought you had it figured out.
You’ve always had a good head on your shoulders. You know who you are. You’ve handled hard things before. You’ve been the strong one, the steady one, the one who makes a plan and lands on her feet smiling.
But this time, the ground feels uneven.
This transition, whatever it is, feels different.
Maybe you’re more emotional than you expected.
Maybe your usual clarity feels clouded.
Maybe the version of you that once fit… doesn’t anymore.
From Overwhelmed to Empowered
Insight is incredible, but it’s action that creates real change. Sometimes the first action is simple: celebration.
If you’ve been following this series, take a moment to breathe. Look at what you’ve already done.
You’ve named invisible burdens.
You’ve questioned guilt.
You’ve claimed your desires.
You’ve softened your inner critic.
You’ve spoken your truth.
That is not small. That is deep, brave work.
𝗕𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻 𝗔𝗰𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲
For a long time, I believed being a good friend or co-worker meant being accommodating.
Being dependable meant saying yes.
Being kind meant never pushing back.
I’ll admit, I’ve been steamrolled more than once.
I’m fully capable of standing up for myself, but for years, I didn’t do it well. Not early enough. Not clearly enough. Not until I was pushed to the edge.
Quieting the Inner Critic
I have a strong inner critic.
The judge in my mind is quick, especially when it comes to me.
I’m a perfectionist. A pleaser. A bit of a controller too. For a long time, I thought those traits were just part of being responsible.
But they also kept me tense, hyper-aware, and endlessly self-critical.
𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐔𝐩 𝐒𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞: 𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐑𝐨𝐨𝐦 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩
It’s possible to have a kind, helpful partner and still feel completely alone.
Many women carry an invisible emotional load. They manage the logistics, the moods, the unspoken needs. They smooth the edges, hold the pieces, and silently wonder why they feel so depleted.
From the outside, nothing looks wrong. Which makes it even harder to explain the loneliness.
But you don’t have to explain it to the outside world. This is your life. Your truth. Not theirs.
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐑𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐰
I used to be an expert at feeling guilt. Not just for the big things, but for everything.
Silly things I said as a kid. Mistakes I made decades ago. Sometimes even with people who aren’t here anymore.
Guilt was my constant companion. For a long time, I thought it made me responsible, caring, good.
But it also made me exhausted. It kept me stuck in cycles of over-apologizing, over-giving, and over-functioning. It whispered, “You should be doing more” or “You shouldn’t have said that.”
Self-Care Isn’t a Bubble Bath
Most of the women I work with don’t need another candle. What they really need is permission to rest without guilt.
They need space to hear themselves think.
They need support that doesn’t add to their already overloaded to-do list.
I often hear women say, “I don’t even have time for self-care.” And I get it.
But here’s the truth: self-care isn’t a time block on your calendar. It’s a mindset.