When Fine Stops Being Good Enough
There comes a time, especially in midlife, when “fine” isn’t good enough anymore.
Maybe you’re burned out in your career, semi-empty nesting, considering a total life change like moving abroad, or your changing hormones have made it harder to keep people-pleasing and smoothing everything over. Whatever the reason, there comes a point when you can’t keep pretending this is enough.
It can feel like exasperation, frustration, overwhelm, or just plain exhaustion. It can leave you wondering why something that used to feel manageable suddenly doesn’t and thinking, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I decide? Why can’t I just be grateful?”
It’s confusing because so often there isn’t one obvious thing wrong. And if you’re not surrounded by people going through something similar, you can feel misunderstood, unseen, or ungrateful for even questioning things.
The Gift of Being Understood
Our friends from back home visited us this past week, and it was fantastic.
They were two of our closest friends when we moved away. We still keep in touch, but life keeps moving for all of us. We’ve all made new close friends in our own places, but when we see each other, it feels like no time has passed.
Having them here was so special. There had been several close calls over the years, but they had never been here to visit us in Sevilla. One of my favorite things about people visiting us from back home is getting to show them why we chose this life. It’s one thing to explain it when we visit. It’s another to walk through Sevilla together, eat the food, see the beauty, experience the lifestyle, and meet the community we’ve built here.
Life Keeps Expanding
I just finished my citizenship exams, the first step of many, and I feel so relieved.
I won’t receive my results for 2-3 months, but I feel good about almost all of it: culture, history, writing, listening and reading comprehension. The only part giving me a little anxiety is the speaking section.
I practiced with my husband, and I was doing great. He said, “You know a lot more than you think you do.” I was nervous but feeling pretty confident.
Then I walked into the exam room and it was immediately, “Spanish? Never heard of it.”
Trying to Figure Out What Comes Next
I’ve had a run of conversations lately with women who are not exactly lost but are trying to figure out what comes next for them.
These women are not lacking skills or experience. They may have worked, raised kids, moved countries, supported partners, adapted, and kept a lot of things moving, but that does not make it easy to answer the question of what comes next.
By midlife, most of them are not looking for work just to stay busy. They’re trying to build a life that fits who they are now, not who they were ten or twenty years ago. That can be uncomfortable because there is rarely a simple path from the life you had before to the one you want now.
When Loving Them Means Letting the Relationship Change
One of the hardest parts of loving an adult child is learning how to stay close while both of you are changing.
My son has been across the ocean the past 6 months and just came here for a visit. It was lovely and bittersweet.
I’m deeply proud of him for testing out his independence, figuring out so much on his own, and building a life that is his. That is exactly what we want for the people we love.
And still, part of the cost of that kind of growth is that the communication changes. That has been hard on all of us, including him.
The Way People Find Each Other
I’m home in Sevilla now, and I keep thinking about the way people find each other.
One of my favorite moments of the whole trip happened at a tea farm in Taiwan.
The tour started with just Calvin. He and his parents run an organic tea farm, and he radiated warmth. I liked him immediately.
Not From Here, Not From There
There’s a song my son sings that has stayed with me.
“No soy de aquí, no soy de allá.”
I’m not from here, I’m not from there.
We all tear up every time he sings it. There’s something in those lyrics that captures a feeling a lot of people carry, especially when life has stretched across countries and cultures.
Finding Community
I’m writing this from Da Nang, and I’m a little stunned by the connections I’ve made here.
The day I arrived, I came straight from the airport, dropped my bags, and headed to a digital nomads event. The first people I met were a couple I clicked with immediately. We’ve gotten together several times since then, and we’re already talking about meeting up again this time next year and even them coming to see us in Sevilla next spring.
Since then, I’ve gone to a freelancers gathering and met more lovely, creative, like-minded people from all over the world. I’ve had a few really moving, empowering Saboteur Discovery Sessions that have inspired me as much as they’ve helped them.
Every Current Carries Us Somewhere New
Over the past few months, I’ve written about the in-between, the transitions throughout our lives that challenge us and shape us.
From leaving home and first-time parenting to empty nesting, changing careers, or becoming a caretaker, these shake-ups can make us feel like our world has turned upside down.
We experience identity loss or confusion, frustration, shame, and fear. Yet our lives are made of change and growth. This is how we fully experience being human, how we come to know ourselves more deeply.
What Our Relationships Teach Us About Ourselves
Every partnership is made up of two people doing the best they know how, shaped by the stories and survival strategies of their childhoods and lived experiences.
For some, safety meant avoiding conflict, staying quiet, not rocking the boat.
For others, safety meant speaking up, taking control, or fighting back.
Neither is wrong. They’re strengths that once kept us safe.
But over time, those same strategies of perfectionism, avoidance, control, people-pleasing can quietly sabotage our relationships.
When You Become the Parent
When my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer, my world turned upside down. I found myself stepping into a role I never expected so soon.
It was subtle at first, helping with appointments, asking the questions they didn’t or couldn’t. And then it became more: caretaking, advocating, carrying the weight of decisions I didn’t feel ready to make, embodying strength at all costs, protecting her peace.
When Your Body Changes the Rules
My earliest memories of health are of feeling different.
My digestive system never worked the way it seemed to for everyone else, and it wasn’t until later that I realized how many of us have quiet struggles that go unseen.
I Thought I Was Prepared
I always wanted to be a mom.
I married young, finished my undergraduate degree, and then decided to start a family while working on my graduate degree. Having a family was incredibly important to me, and I was lucky enough to get pregnant easily.
I was beyond excited. I read all the books, did all the planning. I wanted a natural birth, didn’t find out the gender, and that big baby boy surprised me a few days early.
Then, the terror set in.
Not Everyone Is Meant to Go With You
Friendships shift. Sometimes they fade quietly. Other times they end abruptly, and the loneliness that follows can feel more intense than we expected.
Like most adults, I’ve experienced this many times in life.
When we moved, I felt the loss of closeness and familiarity. I missed the ease and history with the people who had been by my side for years. At the same time, I was grateful to find new friendships, with people from all over the world, of different ages and backgrounds. Rich and meaningful connections.
And still, sometimes I miss what I had before.
When the House Goes Quiet
No matter when it happens, that moment when the house goes quiet hits hard.
For some, it is happening now. For others, it happened years ago, and the feelings still live in their bones.
A few years ago, both of our sons left for university. Nine hours away. At the same time.
I knew it was coming. I had time to prepare. But about two weeks before they left, something broke open in me.
I couldn’t stop crying. Everything felt dark and heavy. I couldn’t be on camera at work because my face showed it all.
The anticipation, for me, was worse than the reality.
When You Uproot Everything
Not all of us will walk the same path, but the feelings that come with change (fear, grief, identity shifts) are universal.
Moving abroad was one of the most courageous and terrifying things I’ve ever done.
It was a rollercoaster of emotions. Excitement, dread, pride, guilt, and so much fear, all tangled together.
The Space Between Who You Were and Who You're Becoming
You thought you had it figured out.
You’ve always had a good head on your shoulders. You know who you are. You’ve handled hard things before. You’ve been the strong one, the steady one, the one who makes a plan and lands on her feet smiling.
But this time, the ground feels uneven.
This transition, whatever it is, feels different.
Maybe you’re more emotional than you expected.
Maybe your usual clarity feels clouded.
Maybe the version of you that once fit… doesn’t anymore.
