You Don’t Need to Be the Expert to Lead Well
A lot of people hold themselves back because they believe they need to be the expert in order to lead something well.
A couple of recent conversations with friends and colleagues helped me rethink that.
They helpfully reminded me: what if the value is not in knowing everything but in how you guide people through the experience? The content may be the same, but the person leading it changes the entire experience.
What Actually Helps at 3 A.M.
We talked about sleep in my women’s group this week, and some of the most helpful takeaways were surprisingly simple.
What we all had in common was waking in the night and then getting stuck once the mind started racing.
What Helps in the Moment
One of the biggest reminders was that bedtime is not the time to solve problems. No planning, no replaying the day, no trying to figure out your life at 3 a.m., because 3 a.m. is not exactly known for its wisdom. If a useful thought comes up, notice it, thank it, and let it go. If it’s truly important, you’ll remember.
What Envy Might Be Trying to Show You
Sometimes the people we envy are pointing us toward something important.
I’ve been thinking about the people who expand my sense of what’s possible. What grabs my attention is rarely just their success. It is usually something more human than that: a sense of ease in who they are and the feeling that they trust themselves and the life they are building.
Envy can be useful. It can show us where we want to grow, what we want more of, and what feels possible for us too.
What It Feels Like to Be Truly Heard
It is striking how refreshing it can feel when someone truly cares about what you are saying and feeling and responds with real presence and thoughtfulness.
I was talking to a friend recently, and I felt this warmth and surprise at how fully present she was with me in the moment. It made me realize how novel that felt.
Why most New Year's resolutions fail by March
It’s March 31, and by now a lot of New Year’s resolutions have already fizzled out. This recent post from Positive Intelligence caught my attention because it touches on something I see in coaching.
A big part of the problem is what happens the moment we slip. We start chastising ourselves, and the shoulds pile up. The inner critic takes over, and that kind of voice does not motivate us to keep going.
I see this often in coaching. The goal is often not the real issue. It’s what people start saying to themselves when they stop doing it perfectly. That shame, pressure and all-or-nothing thinking tends to get in the way.
If you’ve been talking to yourself harshly about something you wanted to change this year, you are in very good company. It may be worth noticing whether the way you are speaking to yourself is serving you.
Introversion vs Extroversion: It’s About Energy
I can see why people sometimes think I’m an extrovert. I enjoy people, meaningful conversation, and genuine connection.
At the same time, I think people sometimes read openness or social activity level as extroversion, when what matters more is how someone recharges.
You can love people, enjoy community, laugh a lot, host gatherings, and still need a good amount of quiet to feel like yourself again.
Seeing the Same Painting Differently
This week, I observed part of a mental health awareness course for teachers. I’ll be leading coaching and leadership courses for this organization, so it was a meaningful way to step back into work.
These were educators, people who spend their days guiding, supporting, and showing up for others. There was a little hesitation at first, but by the end of the week, I was struck by the vulnerability in the room and by how much they seemed to value the chance to connect with peers.
It made me think about how few opportunities many adults have for that. When you are constantly giving your attention, energy, and care to others, there may not be many chances for reflection with your peers or even simple, honest conversation with other adults.
The Way People Find Each Other
I’m home in Sevilla now, and I keep thinking about the way people find each other.
One of my favorite moments of the whole trip happened at a tea farm in Taiwan.
The tour started with just Calvin. He and his parents run an organic tea farm, and he radiated warmth. I liked him immediately.
Not From Here, Not From There
There’s a song my son sings that has stayed with me.
“No soy de aquí, no soy de allá.”
I’m not from here, I’m not from there.
We all tear up every time he sings it. There’s something in those lyrics that captures a feeling a lot of people carry, especially when life has stretched across countries and cultures.
Breaking the Cycle with Compassion
I’ve made it to my fifth country, Taiwan, and a very obvious theme has emerged that I wasn’t expecting. Parenting has come up in conversation again and again.
In my women’s group, we were working through the PQ parenting module, and it took about five minutes for most of us to slide into the same place: the Judge, the shame, the fear that we’re messing our kids up. We had to keep coming back to a simple truth.
Finding Community
I’m writing this from Da Nang, and I’m a little stunned by the connections I’ve made here.
The day I arrived, I came straight from the airport, dropped my bags, and headed to a digital nomads event. The first people I met were a couple I clicked with immediately. We’ve gotten together several times since then, and we’re already talking about meeting up again this time next year and even them coming to see us in Sevilla next spring.
Since then, I’ve gone to a freelancers gathering and met more lovely, creative, like-minded people from all over the world. I’ve had a few really moving, empowering Saboteur Discovery Sessions that have inspired me as much as they’ve helped them.
Recovering Without Beating Yourself Up
I spent a good part of a day debating my next stop, Taiwan or Japan. I went back and forth, and then I opened Meetup and saw a Spanish conversation get-together in Vietnam.
I pictured myself speaking Spanish with others, and it felt like home. Tears sprang to my eyes, and my whole body went, oh that’s it. That’s where I need to be. I felt calm and clear and booked my ticket immediately.
I was so proud of myself for being spontaneous that I skipped the usual checks I normally do. Turns out Vietnam doesn’t have visa on arrival like the other countries I’ve visited. I submitted my application, but it takes 3–5 days, so I wasn’t allowed to board the next day.
More Than One Right Option
This week in Chiang Mai reminded me that the trip is going to unfold how it wants to, not how I plan it.
I’ve had a few moments where my inner critic starts telling me that if I’m not out meeting new people every day, I’m not doing what I should be doing.
This past week, I haven’t made many new connections, but I have been deepening relationships that already exist, and I’m realizing how much that matters.
When Rest Brings Up Guilt
I’m writing this from Singapore, and I started my “tourist” day in the botanic gardens.
I’ve loved these gardens before, so I wanted to return. But when I arrived, I noticed something surprising: I wanted to leave almost immediately. It felt like I was going through the motions, like it was just another “tourist activity” to check off the list instead of something I was actually taking in.
That’s when I realized there was something weighing on me.
Self-Trust in Practice
I’m writing this from my layover in Istanbul.
I thought I might cry when I walked out the door, but honestly, I’m just so excited, and I know the time will fly by. The train derailment so close to home has been shocking and puts everything into perspective. It’s also made me feel extra grateful and really loved by everyone who wanted to see my face one more time, and by all the care and concern for my safety.
Per usual, the anticipation was worse than the reality. I had a few nights with very little sleep, but now I feel calm and capable. Most of all, I feel grateful.
Choosing Indepedence and Self-Trust
Starting next week, I’ll be traveling through Asia for what I’m calling my Coaching Connections field study because, this year, I’m choosing more independence and a little more self-trust.
I first had this idea back in July, and it’s been staying with me. The timing feels right. The in-person trainings I’ll lead this year haven’t started yet, and life has a bit more space than it usually does. On a deeper level, I feel genuinely drawn to the places I’m visiting.
I want more independence this year, not just emotionally, but in how I build my life and work. One of my words of the year is visibility, and I’m excited to meet new people, have real conversations, and see how the themes I hear from clients translate across cultures. And I hope I might get to help a few people along the way.
You’re Not Behind
If you already feel behind, you’re not.
And if it feels strange that the year has already jumped ahead with plans, bookings, and expectations, you’re not alone in that either. For some people, it feels like we skipped right over the end of the year and went straight into what’s next.
I’m hearing a mix of things right now. Financial worries. Obligations people don’t really want. Guilt about resolutions they haven’t even started. And at the same time, some real excitement about new possibilities.
Beginning the New Year Feeling Lighter
The days between the end of one year and the start of another can feel strange.
You often feel this pressure to figure out what you want, what you’ll change, who you’ll be next.
But you don’t actually need resolutions, and you don’t need to reinvent yourself on day one (who can live up to that kind of pressure?!).
Sometimes the most helpful thing is just noticing what you’re ready to leave behind.
Closing the Year Peacefully
By mid-December, we’ve usually started looking back on the year and taking inventory. For me, that reflection has often come with self-judgment.
When I worked in corporate roles, this was the time to write my year-end self-assessment. By the end of it, I usually acknowledged my accomplishments were significant and felt pride.
But I also found myself fixating on what I didn’t finish, where I could have done things differently, or where I thought I should be by now.
Choosing Peace Over Perfection
This time of year (which I genuinely adore) has always been a mix of pure joy and running myself into the ground. I loved the lights, the magic, the relaxed days at work, making cookies and Chex Mix with my kids, and watching our stack of holiday movies.
But I was also dealing with a whole lot of self-imposed pressure. December became a race to make everything perfect. Planning and buying gifts for both sides, doing all the work for a holiday card no one else in my house cared about, visiting multiple families in a day.
Working extra hours so I could take time off with my kids. Living through the first holidays after losing my parents and sticking around out of obligation when I wanted to be anywhere but home. Year-end reviews. It was exhausting, and it didn’t have to be.
