Every Current Carries Us Somewhere New
Over the past few months, Iโve written about the in-between, the transitions throughout our lives that challenge us and shape us.
From leaving home and first-time parenting to empty nesting, changing careers, or becoming a caretaker, these shake-ups can make us feel like our world has turned upside down.
We experience identity loss or confusion, frustration, shame, and fear. Yet our lives are made of change and growth. This is how we fully experience being human, how we come to know ourselves more deeply.
What Our Relationships Teach Us About Ourselves
Every partnership is made up of two people doing the best they know how, shaped by the stories and survival strategies of their childhoods and lived experiences.
For some, safety meant avoiding conflict, staying quiet, not rocking the boat.
For others, safety meant speaking up, taking control, or fighting back.
Neither is wrong. Theyโre strengths that once kept us safe.
But over time, those same strategies of perfectionism, avoidance, control, people-pleasing can quietly sabotage our relationships.
When You Become the Parent
When my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer, my world turned upside down. I found myself stepping into a role I never expected so soon.
It was subtle at first, helping with appointments, asking the questions they didnโt or couldnโt. And then it became more: caretaking, advocating, carrying the weight of decisions I didnโt feel ready to make, embodying strength at all costs, protecting her peace.
When Your Body Changes the Rules
My earliest memories of health are of feeling different.
My digestive system never worked the way it seemed to for everyone else, and it wasnโt until later that I realized how many of us have quiet struggles that go unseen.
When is Enough Enough?
There were jobs I stayed in longer than I wanted to.
Not because I loved them, but because they gave our family stability. I knew how lucky I was to have work that paid the bills. But even when I felt grateful, I also felt a longing to do something meaningful, worthy of my time away from home.
I Thought I Was Prepared
I always wanted to be a mom.
I married young, finished my undergraduate degree, and then decided to start a family while working on my graduate degree. Having a family was incredibly important to me, and I was lucky enough to get pregnant easily.
I was beyond excited. I read all the books, did all the planning. I wanted a natural birth, didnโt find out the gender, and that big baby boy surprised me a few days early.
Then, the terror set in.
Not Everyone Is Meant to Go With You
Friendships shift. Sometimes they fade quietly. Other times they end abruptly, and the loneliness that follows can feel more intense than we expected.
Like most adults, Iโve experienced this many times in life.
When we moved, I felt the loss of closeness and familiarity. I missed the ease and history with the people who had been by my side for years. At the same time, I was grateful to find new friendships, with people from all over the world, of different ages and backgrounds. Rich and meaningful connections.
And still, sometimes I miss what I had before.
When the House Goes Quiet
No matter when it happens, that moment when the house goes quiet hits hard.
For some, it is happening now. For others, it happened years ago, and the feelings still live in their bones.
A few years ago, both of our sons left for university. Nine hours away. At the same time.
I knew it was coming. I had time to prepare. But about two weeks before they left, something broke open in me.
I couldnโt stop crying. Everything felt dark and heavy. I couldnโt be on camera at work because my face showed it all.
The anticipation, for me, was worse than the reality.
When You Uproot Everything
Not all of us will walk the same path, but the feelings that come with change (fear, grief, identity shifts) are universal.
Moving abroad was one of the most courageous and terrifying things Iโve ever done.
It was a rollercoaster of emotions. Excitement, dread, pride, guilt, and so much fear, all tangled together.
The Space Between Who You Were and Who You're Becoming
You thought you had it figured out.
Youโve always had a good head on your shoulders. You know who you are. Youโve handled hard things before. Youโve been the strong one, the steady one, the one who makes a plan and lands on her feet smiling.
But this time, the ground feels uneven.
This transition, whatever it is, feels different.
Maybe youโre more emotional than you expected.
Maybe your usual clarity feels clouded.
Maybe the version of you that once fitโฆ doesnโt anymore.
From Overwhelmed to Empowered
Insight is incredible, but itโs action that creates real change. Sometimes the first action is simple: celebration.
If youโve been following this series, take a moment to breathe. Look at what youโve already done.
Youโve named invisible burdens.
Youโve questioned guilt.
Youโve claimed your desires.
Youโve softened your inner critic.
Youโve spoken your truth.
That is not small. That is deep, brave work.
๐๐ผ๐๐ป๐ฑ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ป ๐๐ฐ๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฒ
For a long time, I believed being a good friend or co-worker meant being accommodating.
Being dependable meant saying yes.
Being kind meant never pushing back.
Iโll admit, Iโve been steamrolled more than once.
Iโm fully capable of standing up for myself, but for years, I didnโt do it well. Not early enough. Not clearly enough. Not until I was pushed to the edge.
Quieting the Inner Critic
I have a strong inner critic.
The judge in my mind is quick, especially when it comes to me.
Iโm a perfectionist. A pleaser. A bit of a controller too. For a long time, I thought those traits were just part of being responsible.
But they also kept me tense, hyper-aware, and endlessly self-critical.
๐๐๐ค๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐ฉ ๐๐ฉ๐๐๐: ๐๐๐ค๐ ๐๐จ๐จ๐ฆ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐๐จ๐ฎ ๐ข๐ง ๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐๐๐ฅ๐๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐ก๐ข๐ฉ
Itโs possible to have a kind, helpful partner and still feel completely alone.
Many women carry an invisible emotional load. They manage the logistics, the moods, the unspoken needs. They smooth the edges, hold the pieces, and silently wonder why they feel so depleted.
From the outside, nothing looks wrong. Which makes it even harder to explain the loneliness.
But you donโt have to explain it to the outside world. This is your life. Your truth. Not theirs.
๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ข๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ข๐ฅ๐ญ ๐๐ก๐๐ญ ๐๐ฎ๐ข๐๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐๐ฎ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ก๐จ๐ฐ
I used to be an expert at feeling guilt. Not just for the big things, but for everything.
Silly things I said as a kid. Mistakes I made decades ago. Sometimes even with people who arenโt here anymore.
Guilt was my constant companion. For a long time, I thought it made me responsible, caring, good.
But it also made me exhausted. It kept me stuck in cycles of over-apologizing, over-giving, and over-functioning. It whispered, โYou should be doing moreโ or โYou shouldnโt have said that.โ
Self-Care Isnโt a Bubble Bath
Most of the women I work with donโt need another candle. What they really need is permission to rest without guilt.
They need space to hear themselves think.
They need support that doesnโt add to their already overloaded to-do list.
I often hear women say, โI donโt even have time for self-care.โ And I get it.
But hereโs the truth: self-care isnโt a time block on your calendar. Itโs a mindset.
Youโre Allowed to Want More
Many women feel ashamed of wanting more.
More rest.
More meaning.
More connection.
More support.
The Invisible Load: The Work No One Sees
Most of the women I work with are tired from doing so much that no one sees.
Managing moods. Anticipating needs. Soothing tension. Remembering what no one else does. Keeping things running while feeling like youโre falling apart inside.
This is the invisible load. Itโs real, and itโs exhausting. And if Iโm being honest, Iโve lived it too.
The Deep Exhale: A Summer of Letting Go
This summer, I decided to do something a little different.
Instead of pushing harder, striving more, or trying to keep up with the endless demands of life, I wanted to create space for myself and for the women I work with to simply pause.
To breathe.
To exhale.
To let go.
