The night before I taught a class on difficult conversations, I received an email about how much time we can spend rehearsing conversations we’re avoiding. The timing was perfect. 😊
We plan what we’re going to say, imagine how the other person will respond, come up with an answer to that response, and before long we’ve had the entire conversation so many times in our heads. Preparation is helpful, but sometimes we’re looking for the perfect words because we hope that if we say it exactly right, the other person won’t get upset. We can rehearse all we want, but we can’t control how the other person reacts.
Go In Curious
One of the ideas I shared in class came from Adar Cohen: go into the conversation assuming you don’t know the whole story. That can be hard when you’ve already spent all that time deciding why the other person did something, what they were thinking, and what they’re going to say when you bring it up. Instead, ask them. What was happening for you? How did you see it? Is there something I’m missing?
Then give them time to answer. We can be so busy thinking about what we’re going to say next that we aren’t really listening to what the other person is telling us. You don’t have to agree with their perspective, but you do need to hear it if you want the conversation to be productive.
They may still get upset. You may still disagree. You may still decide that nothing has changed. But at least you’re responding to what the other person actually thinks and feels rather than assumptions.
💛
Reflection Question: Is there a conversation you’ve been rehearsing in your head that it’s time to tackle?
✨ If this spoke to you, I’d love for you to subscribe to my blog or connect with me on LinkedIn. And if difficult conversations tend to leave you overthinking, avoiding, or trying to find the perfect words, coaching can help you approach them with more clarity and confidence.
