When Your Work Starts to Feel Like You
A few weeks ago, I wrote about women in midlife who are trying to figure out what comes next. I’ve been thinking about that again because, for the first time, I understand why some entrepreneurs become workaholics.
I’ve overworked plenty of times before, usually because of stress, loyalty, obligation, or feeling responsible for making sure the work was done and the team was cohesive. But this feels completely different.
Lately, I’m having trouble pulling myself away from the work because I’m so excited about what I’m building. Ideas wake me up early in the morning. I keep thinking of one more thing I want to plan, write, create, or talk through. I feel almost giddy, which is not a word I normally use.
Solo Travel Doesn’t Mean Alone
I’m ready to tell the story of my sprained ankle on my solo trip and reassure you that solo travel doesn’t have to mean unsupported travel.
I did very little planning (so hard for me) and let the trip take me where it wanted. That led to so many serendipitous moments, like finding out that new friends would be in Chiang Mai at the same time as me.
One evening, as we walked through a night market looking for a particular shirt, I spotted one at a stall. I stepped up on a humongous curb to get a closer look. As I turned to tell my friend, I stepped off the curb without looking and straight into a sizable hole in the ground.
My already weak ankle, which hadn’t fully healed since my last ankle adventure, twisted, gave out, and I fell to the ground. The pain was intense, and I thought, “NO, not again!” I was so frustrated with myself, getting hurt at the very start of my seven-week trip.
The Independence I Didn't Expect
Though I love support, I know I can take care of myself. I started traveling solo for work when I was in my 20s, and the only obstacles I faced were my fear of flying and missing my kiddos, but there was never a doubt in my mind that I could handle it. Knowing I can take care of myself doesn’t mean I’m never scared.
When I first thought of traveling to Asia by myself, I felt about 50% fear and 50% excitement. Let’s throw some guilt in there too. That mix of emotions made me hesitate. But solo travel means giving yourself permission: permission to spend the money, take the time, leave the usual responsibilities, and want something that is just yours.
Nothing Is Wasted
When “fine” stops being enough, one of the first fears that can pop up is wondering if changing direction means it was all a waste.
Questioning the years of energy dedicated to a career, a home, a role, or a life you once thought you wanted. That fear can keep people stuck for a long time because no one wants to feel foolish or look back and wonder why they spent so much time trying to make something work.
I see this with women who have stayed with one company for years, even when the work no longer fulfills them. I see it with small business owners who have poured so much into an idea that it feels painful to admit it’s time for something else. I see it with people who built the dream home, raised the kids, and then feel confused when a part of them wants something different.
Trying to Figure Out What Comes Next
I’ve had a run of conversations lately with women who are not exactly lost but are trying to figure out what comes next for them.
These women are not lacking skills or experience. They may have worked, raised kids, moved countries, supported partners, adapted, and kept a lot of things moving, but that does not make it easy to answer the question of what comes next.
By midlife, most of them are not looking for work just to stay busy. They’re trying to build a life that fits who they are now, not who they were ten or twenty years ago. That can be uncomfortable because there is rarely a simple path from the life you had before to the one you want now.
