I Didnโt Know This Was Normal
While meeting these beauties, we talked about motherhood, breastfeeding, bodies, and careers.
At one point, she asked whether my boys ever took bottles, and I told her how resistant they were. With my second, I tried pumping more because I wanted a little more freedom, but neither of them made it particularly easy. She shared some of her own struggles with breastfeeding, and I told her something I havenโt talked about very much.
I didnโt love breastfeeding. Honestly, I didnโt love the newborn stage at all.
Breaking the Cycle with Compassion
Iโve made it to my fifth country, Taiwan, and a very obvious theme has emerged that I wasnโt expecting. Parenting has come up in conversation again and again.
In my womenโs group, we were working through the PQ parenting module, and it took about five minutes for most of us to slide into the same place: the Judge, the shame, the fear that weโre messing our kids up. We had to keep coming back to a simple truth.
Youโre Not Behind
If you already feel behind, youโre not.
And if it feels strange that the year has already jumped ahead with plans, bookings, and expectations, youโre not alone in that either. For some people, it feels like we skipped right over the end of the year and went straight into whatโs next.
Iโm hearing a mix of things right now. Financial worries. Obligations people donโt really want. Guilt about resolutions they havenโt even started. And at the same time, some real excitement about new possibilities.
Beginning the New Year Feeling Lighter
The days between the end of one year and the start of another can feel strange.
You often feel this pressure to figure out what you want, what youโll change, who youโll be next.
But you donโt actually need resolutions, and you donโt need to reinvent yourself on day one (who can live up to that kind of pressure?!).
Sometimes the most helpful thing is just noticing what youโre ready to leave behind.
Closing the Year Peacefully
By mid-December, weโve usually started looking back on the year and taking inventory. For me, that reflection has often come with self-judgment.
When I worked in corporate roles, this was the time to write my year-end self-assessment. By the end of it, I usually acknowledged my accomplishments were significant and felt pride.
But I also found myself fixating on what I didnโt finish, where I could have done things differently, or where I thought I should be by now.
Choosing Peace Over Perfection
This time of year (which I genuinely adore) has always been a mix of pure joy and running myself into the ground. I loved the lights, the magic, the relaxed days at work, making cookies and Chex Mix with my kids, and watching our stack of holiday movies.
But I was also dealing with a whole lot of self-imposed pressure. December became a race to make everything perfect. Planning and buying gifts for both sides, doing all the work for a holiday card no one else in my house cared about, visiting multiple families in a day.
Working extra hours so I could take time off with my kids. Living through the first holidays after losing my parents and sticking around out of obligation when I wanted to be anywhere but home. Year-end reviews. It was exhausting, and it didnโt have to be.
The Mental Load of December
December has a way of piling on. So many friends and clients I know approach December feeling some combination of tired, anxious, or just overwhelmed.
They are often the one who notices what everyone needs, keeps the calendar straight, plans the gifts, handles the food, and tries to create something meaningful for everyone. Others might be happy to help when asked, but the thinking part, the remembering part, that lives with them.
Quieting the Inner Critic
I have a strong inner critic.
The judge in my mind is quick, especially when it comes to me.
Iโm a perfectionist. A pleaser. A bit of a controller too. For a long time, I thought those traits were just part of being responsible.
But they also kept me tense, hyper-aware, and endlessly self-critical.
๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ข๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ข๐ฅ๐ญ ๐๐ก๐๐ญ ๐๐ฎ๐ข๐๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐๐ฎ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ก๐จ๐ฐ
I used to be an expert at feeling guilt. Not just for the big things, but for everything.
Silly things I said as a kid. Mistakes I made decades ago. Sometimes even with people who arenโt here anymore.
Guilt was my constant companion. For a long time, I thought it made me responsible, caring, good.
But it also made me exhausted. It kept me stuck in cycles of over-apologizing, over-giving, and over-functioning. It whispered, โYou should be doing moreโ or โYou shouldnโt have said that.โ
The Deep Exhale: A Summer of Letting Go
This summer, I decided to do something a little different.
Instead of pushing harder, striving more, or trying to keep up with the endless demands of life, I wanted to create space for myself and for the women I work with to simply pause.
To breathe.
To exhale.
To let go.
