Breaking the Cycle with Compassion
I’ve made it to my fifth country, Taiwan, and a very obvious theme has emerged that I wasn’t expecting. Parenting has come up in conversation again and again.
In my women’s group, we were working through the PQ parenting module, and it took about five minutes for most of us to slide into the same place: the Judge, the shame, the fear that we’re messing our kids up. We had to keep coming back to a simple truth.
Recovering Without Beating Yourself Up
I spent a good part of a day debating my next stop, Taiwan or Japan. I went back and forth, and then I opened Meetup and saw a Spanish conversation get-together in Vietnam.
I pictured myself speaking Spanish with others, and it felt like home. Tears sprang to my eyes, and my whole body went, oh that’s it. That’s where I need to be. I felt calm and clear and booked my ticket immediately.
I was so proud of myself for being spontaneous that I skipped the usual checks I normally do. Turns out Vietnam doesn’t have visa on arrival like the other countries I’ve visited. I submitted my application, but it takes 3–5 days, so I wasn’t allowed to board the next day.
More Than One Right Option
This week in Chiang Mai reminded me that the trip is going to unfold how it wants to, not how I plan it.
I’ve had a few moments where my inner critic starts telling me that if I’m not out meeting new people every day, I’m not doing what I should be doing.
This past week, I haven’t made many new connections, but I have been deepening relationships that already exist, and I’m realizing how much that matters.
Closing the Year Peacefully
By mid-December, we’ve usually started looking back on the year and taking inventory. For me, that reflection has often come with self-judgment.
When I worked in corporate roles, this was the time to write my year-end self-assessment. By the end of it, I usually acknowledged my accomplishments were significant and felt pride.
But I also found myself fixating on what I didn’t finish, where I could have done things differently, or where I thought I should be by now.
Quieting the Inner Critic
I have a strong inner critic.
The judge in my mind is quick, especially when it comes to me.
I’m a perfectionist. A pleaser. A bit of a controller too. For a long time, I thought those traits were just part of being responsible.
But they also kept me tense, hyper-aware, and endlessly self-critical.
