When Fine Stops Being Good Enough
There comes a time, especially in midlife, when “fine” isn’t good enough anymore.
Maybe you’re burned out in your career, semi-empty nesting, considering a total life change like moving abroad, or your changing hormones have made it harder to keep people-pleasing and smoothing everything over. Whatever the reason, there comes a point when you can’t keep pretending this is enough.
It can feel like exasperation, frustration, overwhelm, or just plain exhaustion. It can leave you wondering why something that used to feel manageable suddenly doesn’t and thinking, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I decide? Why can’t I just be grateful?”
It’s confusing because so often there isn’t one obvious thing wrong. And if you’re not surrounded by people going through something similar, you can feel misunderstood, unseen, or ungrateful for even questioning things.
The Gift of Being Understood
Our friends from back home visited us this past week, and it was fantastic.
They were two of our closest friends when we moved away. We still keep in touch, but life keeps moving for all of us. We’ve all made new close friends in our own places, but when we see each other, it feels like no time has passed.
Having them here was so special. There had been several close calls over the years, but they had never been here to visit us in Sevilla. One of my favorite things about people visiting us from back home is getting to show them why we chose this life. It’s one thing to explain it when we visit. It’s another to walk through Sevilla together, eat the food, see the beauty, experience the lifestyle, and meet the community we’ve built here.
Life Keeps Expanding
I just finished my citizenship exams, the first step of many, and I feel so relieved.
I won’t receive my results for 2-3 months, but I feel good about almost all of it: culture, history, writing, listening and reading comprehension. The only part giving me a little anxiety is the speaking section.
I practiced with my husband, and I was doing great. He said, “You know a lot more than you think you do.” I was nervous but feeling pretty confident.
Then I walked into the exam room and it was immediately, “Spanish? Never heard of it.”
When Loving Them Means Letting the Relationship Change
One of the hardest parts of loving an adult child is learning how to stay close while both of you are changing.
My son has been across the ocean the past 6 months and just came here for a visit. It was lovely and bittersweet.
I’m deeply proud of him for testing out his independence, figuring out so much on his own, and building a life that is his. That is exactly what we want for the people we love.
And still, part of the cost of that kind of growth is that the communication changes. That has been hard on all of us, including him.
Finding Community
I’m writing this from Da Nang, and I’m a little stunned by the connections I’ve made here.
The day I arrived, I came straight from the airport, dropped my bags, and headed to a digital nomads event. The first people I met were a couple I clicked with immediately. We’ve gotten together several times since then, and we’re already talking about meeting up again this time next year and even them coming to see us in Sevilla next spring.
Since then, I’ve gone to a freelancers gathering and met more lovely, creative, like-minded people from all over the world. I’ve had a few really moving, empowering Saboteur Discovery Sessions that have inspired me as much as they’ve helped them.
When the House Goes Quiet
No matter when it happens, that moment when the house goes quiet hits hard.
For some, it is happening now. For others, it happened years ago, and the feelings still live in their bones.
A few years ago, both of our sons left for university. Nine hours away. At the same time.
I knew it was coming. I had time to prepare. But about two weeks before they left, something broke open in me.
I couldn’t stop crying. Everything felt dark and heavy. I couldn’t be on camera at work because my face showed it all.
The anticipation, for me, was worse than the reality.
